Flat-Out Friday: Just Buy It In White

Ever since publicly announcing my pregnancy, I have received details on many “old wives tales” about how to tell the baby’s sex. MANY. It seems like everyone has some sure-fire way of telling whether the Flat-Out Offspring will be a boy or a girl. For kicks, I will list them below:

  • The Portuguese method: if your due date is closer to the new moon, it’ll be a boy.
  • The Italian method: if your due date is closer to the full moon, it’ll be a boy.
  • The Gypsy method: find or make a pendulum, and suspend it over your palm; up/down swing is boy, circular motion is girl.
  • The New Age method: find or make a pendulum, and ask it a series of yes/no answers to determine the swing for both yes and no answers; ask separately if having a boy or a girl.
  • The Chinese method: find out what lunar year you are in when you are due; complicated math and virtually throwing I Ching sticks later, formula reveals whether you’re having a girl or a boy.
  • The Vomit method: the more you throw up, the more likely it’s a girl.
  • The Heartbeat method: the faster the heart rate, the more likely it’s a girl.
  • The Cravings method: salty/hearty snack cravings suggest a boy; sweet cravings suggest a girl.

I’m going to invent a new one. It’s called The Dice method. If I roll 1-10 on a d20, it’s a boy; 11-20 is a girl. I mean it makes as much sense to me as the rest of these do. Wanna hear my results for each of the aforementioned methods?

  • Girl
  • Boy
  • Boy
  • Boy
  • Girl from Last Known Period; Boy from Conception Date
  • Girl
  • Girl
  • Boy

Unfortunately, I can’t find a D20 at this precise time or I’d include those results. It’d be the tie-breaker vote too!

Why is it that, after all the advances in modern medical science, myths like these still perpetuate themselves? One reason I think is because all women like to weigh in on a subject they feel they are uniquely qualified to speak about, especially if they’ve given birth at some point to their own children, and even more especially if one of these methods actually worked in predicting the sex of said children. One of the things you can always count on is that most people you run in to are going to have some sort of opinion about what’s happening with your body. Through my accident, I have learned that the best thing to do in these cases is listen, nod politely, and then forget everything they’ve said because dwelling on it will just make you cranky.

We are going to find out the sex if we can. By ultrasound. You know, that crazy technology that actually allows you to see whether your on-board passenger has the optional hose attachment or not. If we can’t find out out (my niece was turned completely backward and refused to let the technician see her girly parts; she’s still shy to this day), then I have a completely foolproof system for a non-gender biased nursery:

Get it all in white.

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