We met with my lawyer yesterday.
I won’t go into detail, but I will say that this whole process is apparently going to take a lot longer than I thought. Yes, I knew from the beginning that it would be a two-year waiting period to see how I was healing, etc., but my recovery has been sporadic: I make some progress, plateau or reverse for a while, and then make some more. It’s been a slow and steady race, like the tortoise. The only thing that has changed dramatically is my weight. I can ambulate much better and for much longer. I can now drive again and feel confident doing so. A year ago, I barely made it through a week without Matt being home, and now I can (with whining) make it through months. Slow and steady is certainly the way to do things and I’m thankful for the time I have had to get this far.
The funny thing is, I have had the same physical complaints for about a year now. My break sites ache. My feet and ankles feel punished by just standing on them for long periods. My right leg and foot still swell and turn purple. My lower back is numb, swollen and achy. As you know, the list goes on. The actual physical healing hasn’t changed at all. My body has done what it can, and now I just have to find ways to make it easier to cope with day to day. My mental complaints aren’t any less diminished either. I can’t stand loud, sudden noises. The unpredictability of life outside my apartment sometimes makes me cringe. I have to find a happy place whenever I’m faced with crossing a road or riding a crowded bus. Like my doctor and physiotherapist, I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist to help me work through the healing process, and like my physical condition, slow and steady has been the way to approach it. It just seems like, again, the issues I have been facing are still the same ones I was confronting a year ago.
In short, the length of time the legal process will take is directly related to the length of time I will need to reach my “maximum medical improvement” (sound familiar?). According to all my medical professionals, I ain’t there yet. Which means, according to my lawyer, it ain’t time to be startin’ somethin’ either.
In the meantime, between coping physically and coping mentally, Matt and I now have to find a way to cope financially. Tax season being officially over, we now know how much more we will be sending to Matt’s ex for child support. We know how much less we will have once all the various fees and charges come out of Matt’s take-home pay. And we know the clock is ticking away on my disability payments. We have put money aside as we always do, prudently saving for the future, but there seem to be a neverending parade of things demanding immediate financial attention.
So it seems like we are back to where we were when I first moved in with my love. Me, looking for a way to bring in money to help with bills, and Matt, looking for a way to make everything I wish for come true. It worked out last time and I know it will work out this time. In the fuzzy in-between-while, I’ll have to reevaluate our bills, clip all those coupons, and keep my wishes small and inexpensive, because if we don’t start nothin’, there won’t be nothin’.