Flat-Out Friday: Hurry Up and Wait

Sometimes I feel like time slows down, speeds up, and stagnates all at the same time. I can’t believe it’s already May, for example. And yet, if it was closer to August, I might be able to plan for my future better. However, I’m worried about what might happen with my settlement (it can’t be helped) so I almost wish we could just go back to January. Since the accident, time has played many not-so-funny tricks on me, and the agonizingly slow process of getting my future sorted out is a slap in the face every time we try to plan something more than a month ahead.

There’s the “maximum medical improvement” diagnosis I’ve been waiting for a doctor to sign off on. Many of the physical disabilities from the accident need at least an 18-month window of healing to better tell what the long term effects will be. Since we’ve finally passed that, I can now get a medical professional to make that diagnosis. And once it has been made, we can proceed further with legal action. Getting to this point was no picnic, and I’m saddened by the fact that there are some things that will never heal. But this milestone now opens a gateway to more milestones, each with their own interminable waiting period attached.

Here is a chart of my injuries, showing the permanent effects of the accident.

There’s also the mental improvement barrier I’m coming up against. I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist and we have a strong bond, but he’s only just been able to get me into a therapy program. I had my first session with my psychologist on Monday, and I feel it will be very beneficial. But, like all things, when the diagnosis of PTSD was first made, there was a 1-year period of drug therapy that I was required to do. 20 months in, the drug therapy shows no signs of slowing and I’ve begun to make plans for the future based on needing these medications and therapy sessions for a significant portion of it.

On top of all this, there is the fuzzy unknown of what will happen. Will I get so riddled with arthritis that I’ll be crippled at 50? Will we ever be in a place where, if we want to have a family, we will have the support network available to do so? And what about our finances? Will the settlement be enough so that I don’t have to work again?

I know it doesn’t do to worry about the future since I can’t change it. Nor is there much sense in worrying about the past since it is over and done with. Thanks to family and friends I have been able to take advantage of this “present” as a point where I am getting myself physically and emotionally in to shape, and it has helped with the waiting period jitters. But honestly, this fuzzy limbo period we are in now kinda sucks.

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